Choose the Form of the Destructor, subcreatures! Which one will wreak havoc upon our fair nation? Will it be a Donkey? An Elephant? A Marshmallow Man?
Don’t think about it too much– because no matter who you chose, you’re gonna lose!
Unless of course you choose this nifty new “Choose the Form of the Destructor” t-shirt… In which case you’ll actually SAVE 25% if you order by Friday! (Har- get it? We wrote that. Just now. For real.)
Then buy it here now (before the price goes up $4!)
The Chevy Volt is the hottest car to hit the American streets since the Ford Pinto!
And at Despair, we’re celebrating the Volt’s explosive popularity the only way we know how- with a smoking-hot t-shirt- “The Volt Tee“! And for one week only, you can pick it up for only $14.95! What a steal! So what are you waiting for? Deals like this don’t get any hotter- it’s already on fire!
(No. Seriously. It’s on fire! RUN!)
Then buy it here!
For most, there is no crueler day of the calendar year than that of Valentine’s Day. While a fraction of the population can look forward to a holiday of wine and roses, poetry and song, the vast majority of us know it as a day of nausea and grimacing, trauma and grief. A day in which minutes seem like hours, and hours like days, as we reflect sorrowfully on yesteryear’s romantic indignities, today’s loneliness, and the unknowable but certain heartbreak that will be visited upon us repeatedly in the years to come.
When cruelty and holidays collide, the weak-willed find solace in self-pity and comfort foods. And now, Despair Inc. is pleased to announce that we’ve combined BOTH into a radical new offering. Introducing BitterSweets® – The Valentine’s Candy for the Rest of Us.
