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Despair Liveblogs the Republican Debate

January 16, 2012 | by Despair, Inc.

Live Blog

Despair’s first Live-Blog. And it shows. See for yourself below.

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- Get To Work
  You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.
- Motivation
  If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a... (cont.)
- Ambition
  The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.
- Tradition
  Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.
- Meetings
  None of us is as dumb as all of us.
- Wishes
  When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a... (cont.)
- Government
  If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions.
- Believe in Yourself
  Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.
- Mistakes
  It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
- Achievement
  You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an... (cont.)
- Potential
  Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up.
- Priorities
  Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house... (cont.)
- Mercy
  Teach every child you meet the importance of forgiveness. It's our only hope of surviving... (cont.)
- Challenges
  I expected times like this - but I never thought they'd be so bad, so long, and so frequent.
- Underachievement (Penguin)
  Because soaring with the eagles requires so much more effort.
- Collaboration
  When a motivated group of people join together, they can turn problems into opportunities. ... (cont.)
- Adaptation
  The bad news is robots can do your job now. The good news is we're now hiring robot repair... (cont.)
- Demotivation
  Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.
- Legacy
  It took millions of years to create something this extraordinary. You have about... (cont.)
- Procrastination
  Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.
- Whining
  If you expect to score points by whining, join a European soccer team.
- Committees
  Just like teamwork. Only without the work.
- Obstacles
  Some things can not be overcome with determination and a positive attitude.
- Consulting
  If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the... (cont.)
- Economics
  The science of explaining tomorrow why the predictions you made yesterday didn't come true... (cont.)
- Marketing
  Because making it look good now is more important than providing adequate support later.
- Hope
  May not be warranted at this point.
- Worth
  Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important.
- Synergy
  A code word lazy people use when they want you to do all the work.
- Perseverance
  The courage to ignore the obvious wisdom of turning back.
- Limitations
  Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk.
- Idiocy
  Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
- Bravery
  Every man dies. But not every man truly lives only to die of sheer stupidity.
- Inspiration
  Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99% perspiration, which is why engineers sometimes... (cont.)
- Liberty
  The price of freedom keeps going up, but the quality keeps deteriorating.
- Indecision
  The mark of the leader is the ability to make decisions. The mark of the survivor is... (cont.)
- Teamwork
  A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.
- Creativity
  Helps artists die young, miserable, and penniless- so their art can have meaning to the... (cont.)
- Acquisition
  The discovery that you're no longer a big fish in a small pond, or even a small fish in a... (cont.)
- Cluelessness
  There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.
- Diversity
  Because every person deserves an equal chance to prove their incompetence.
- Incompetence
  When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts,... (cont.)
- Inflation
  Because the easiest way to steal your wealth is by cheapening your money.
- Individuality
  Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.
- Curiosity
  Some Places Remain Unknown Because No One Has Ventured Forth. Others Remain So Because No... (cont.)
- Maturity
  If you're tired of others looking down on you, grow the hell up.
- Wisdom
  Sometimes the only difference between a budding genius and a blooming idiot is where they... (cont.)
- Discovery
  A company that will go to the ends of the Earth for its people will find it can hire them... (cont.)
- Perspective
  Less is more. Unless you're standing next to the one with more. Then less just looks... (cont.)
- Compromise
  Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.
- Consistency
  It's only a virtue if you're not a screwup.
- Mediocrity
  It takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late.
- Sacrifice (Temple)
  All we ask here is that you give us your heart.
- Despair
  It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
- Retirement
  Because you've given so much of yourself to the company that you don't have anything left... (cont.)
- Pretension
  The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're... (cont.)
- Pride
  The art of calling faith in yourself "Self-Esteem" while calling it "conceit" when you see... (cont.)
- Arrogance
  The best leaders inspire by example. When that's not an option, brute intimidation works... (cont.)
- Elitism
  It's lonely at the top, but it's comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.
- Fear
  Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of... (cont.)
- Change
  Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed often and for the same reason.
- The Road Not Taken
  Two roads diverged in a yellow wood. And Robert Frost took the one less traveled. Of... (cont.)
- Loneliness
  If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. And yet you are alone.... (cont.)
- Risks
  If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments.
- Sacrifice
  Your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring... (cont.)
- Blogging
  Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few.
- Indifference
  It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there... (cont.)
- Hazards
  There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that, though, and... (cont.)
- Irresponsibility
  No single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood.
- Change (winds)
  When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can become deadly... (cont.)
- Persistence
  It's over, man. Let her go.
- Madness
  Madness does not always howl. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day... (cont.)
- Excuses
  If you keep asking others to give you the benefit of the doubt, they'll eventually start to... (cont.)
- Power
  Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. But it rocks absolutely, too.
- Success
  Some people dream of success, while other people live to crush those dreams.
- Dreams
  Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.
- Winners
  Because nothing says "you're a loser" more than owning a motivational poster about being a... (cont.)
- Effort
  Hard work never killed anybody, but it is illegal in some places.
- Give Up
  At some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser.
- Sanity
  Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine.
- Tranquility
  As long as there are children in the world, there will never be any real peace.
- Wealth
  All I ask is for a chance to prove that money can't buy happiness.
- Do it Later
  The early worm is for the birds.
- Overconfidence
  Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you.
- Regret
  It hurts to admit when you make mistakes - but when they're big enough, the pain only lasts... (cont.)
- Destiny
  You were meant for me. Perhaps as a punishment.
- Pressure
  It can turn a lump of coal into a flawless diamond, or an average person into a perfect... (cont.)
- Quality
  The race for quality has no finish line- so technically, it's more like a death march.
- Accomplishments
  You can fool all of the people all of the time if your effects budget is large enough.
- Customer Disservice
  Because we're not satisfied until you're not satisfied.
- Propaganda
  What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies right to our... (cont.)
- Possibilities
  With focus, dedication and steroids, men can achieve impossible dreams. Like breaking a... (cont.)
- Vision
  How can the future be so hard to predict when all of my worst fears keep coming true?
- Innovation
  If it can make your job easier, it can probably make it irrelevant.
- Corruption
  I want either less corruption or more opportunity to participate in it.
- Romance
  Love is in the air. And it's pooping on my head.
- Self-Esteem
  Just because you think you're a star doesn't mean you're going anywhere.
- Victory
  Winners never fly higher than when they're bouncing up and down on the egos of those they... (cont.)
- Bailouts
  From each according to his ability, to each according to his lack thereof.
- Service
  View all customers as beautiful buds that must be cultivated, watered, and periodically... (cont.)
- Beauty
  If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to... (cont.)
- The Secret
  What is The Secret? Pretend you've already achieved it- Then offer to sell The Secret to... (cont.)
- Goals
  It's best to avoid standing directly between a competitive jerk and his goals.
- Intimidation
  No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but you'd be a fool to withhold... (cont.)
- Leaders
  Leaders are like eagles. We don't have either of them here.
- Freedom
  I may not agree with what you say, but I respect your right to be punished for it.
- Survival
  The less you stand out, the longer you'll last.
- Problems
  No matter how great and destructive your problems may seem now, remember, you've probably... (cont.)
- Congress
  Proudly defending the status quo long after the quo has lost its status.
- Underachievement
  The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.
- Bitterness
  Never be afraid to share your dreams with the world, because there's nothing the world... (cont.)
- Blame
  The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
- Flattery
  If you want to get to the top, prepare to kiss a lot of the bottom.
- Dysfunction
  The only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.
- Insight
  When the going gets tough, the tough get going.The smart left a long time ago.
- Ignorance
  It's amazing how much easier it is for a team to work together when no one has any idea... (cont.)
- Insanity
  It's difficult to comprehend how insane some people can be. Especially when you're insane.
- Nepotism
  We promote family values here - almost as often as we promote family members.
- Opportunity
  I am Dr. Adewole Aremu- a director with the Union Bank of Nigeria in Lagos - and I wish to... (cont.)
- Apathy
  If we don't take care of the customer,maybe they'll stop bugging us.
- Stupidity
  Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots.
- Adversity
  That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
- Disloyalty
  There comes a time when every team must learn to make individual sacrifices.
- Customer Care
  If we really cared for the customer we'd send them somewhere better.
- Burnout
  Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.
- Planning
  Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress.
- Failure
  When your best just isn't good enough.
- Strife
  As long as we have each other, we'll never run out of problems.
- Pessimism
  Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who... (cont.)
- Conformity
  When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
- Doubt
  In the battle between you and the world, bet on the world.
- Humiliation
  The harder you try, the dumber you look.
- Dare To Slack
  When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in... (cont.)
- Recognition
  Having your moment in the sun isn't always a good thing.
- Disservice
  It takes months to find a customer, but only seconds to lose one... the good news is that... (cont.)
- Laziness
  Success is a journey, not a destination. So stop running.
- Agony
  Not all pain is gain.
- Defeat
  For every winner, there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them.
- Delusions
  There is no greater joy than soaring high on the wings of your dreams, except maybe the joy... (cont.)
- Futility
  You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and, statistically speaking, 99% of... (cont.)
- Ineptitude
  If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.
- Recovery
  Time heals all wounds. But it usually leaves a pretty big scar.
- Trouble
  Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young.
- Losing
  If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
- Misfortune
  While good fortune often eludes you, this kind never misses.
- The Drinking Games
  Like the Hunger Games- many will play. And only one may be left standing.
- Grandkids
  Will meeting you be the highlight of someone's life? Then let them know!
- I'm Here Now
  Is your very presence a reason for calm? Relief? Joy? Then why not announce it?
- Spontaneously Combust
  Are you constantly at risk of exploding? Don't you think you ought to warn people then?
- Contents Under Pressure
  Who ISN'T under dangerous amounts of pressure these days? YOU sure are! So warn people!
- Highly Acidic
  Not everyone chooses their words carefully. Some are outright corrosive. Like you.
- Noise Hazard
  Everyone knows a loudmouth. Oh you don't? Then it's YOU. And you need this shirt. NOW!
- Solyndra
  Solyndra. It seemed like a bright idea at the time.
- The Destructor
  Choose the form of the Destructor! Elephant? Jackass? Choose! Choose and perish!
- Mime Club
  (If you don't get it, ask a Mime to explain. THEN beat him up. You know you want to.)
- Amazed
  Admit it to yourself. You are amazing. Now admit it to others. This shirt will help.
- Optimists
  Occasionally, the Pessimist can see something as half-full. Optimists, for example.
- Personal Trainer
  Want to make a quick buck as a fitness trainer without being fit? Ask for cash upfront!
- Superioritee
  Superiority complex? Not at all. In fact, it couldn't be simpler! Just use this formula.
- I Voted
  Are you sick of always having to choose between nauseating candidates? Like really sick?
- Irony
  The race to create the world's most ironic t-shirt is finally over. And guess who won?
- TSA Shirt
  Don't worry. Your naked photos are safe with with the TSA. Really. Trust them.
- TSA Touching Experience
  Wear this TSA shirt next time you fly and you'll REALLY have a touching experience!
- Blame My Parents
  It's not your fault that you turned out so poorly. Or so you tell yourself. Now tell others.
- Extremely Hot
  Are you hotter than a piping Venti Double Expresso? Maybe you ought to warn folks.
- You Are Here
  It's time to tell the person in front of you just exactly where they stand.
- BP
  BP is bringing oil to American shores. By sea, in fact.
- Powered by ADHD
  ADHD. Some of us recall when it used to be called 'being a kid' and didn't require meds.
- Wickedosity
  Are you so dang amazing you simply defy conventional superlatives? Here's your shirt!
- Conversation
  introducing a t-shirt that's as good a conversation starter as a conversation ender!
- Center of Attention
  Wish you could be the Center of Attention for a change? This shirt can help. Really.
- Sisyphus
  Meet the pessimistic answer to the "That's How I Roll" meme! It's all Greek to us!
- Manatee
  Tuna is the Chicken of the Sea. The Sea Cow is the Hamburger. (Yeah. We went there.)
- Tourette's
  Have a reputation for not censoring yourself? Be honest, you #@%@#.
- Facebook
  Some of us used to have to walk miles uphill, both ways, to stalk... Thanks Facebook!
- Exaggerators Anonymous
  Exaggeration is a terrible habit. Yet trillions of us can't seem to help ourselves.
- The Crane Technique
  Karate Master Pat Morita once said, "If do right, no can defense." (Thanks Pat. Thanks a... (cont.)
- Social Media Venn Diagram
  Social Media. Proudly straddling the intersections of ADHD, Narcissism and Stalking.
- Vintage
  Do you LOVE hip vintage swag- but HATE wearing used clothing? Here's your solution!
- Twitter
  Twitter. Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few.
- The Flash
  The world's fastest man has a dark secret. He lives a double-life as a serial flasher!
- Toyota
  Once you drive a Toyota, you'll never stop. It's an undocumented feature now, actually.
- My Opinion
  Do you take self-improvement very seriously- especially when it comes to others?
- Vote Whig
  Vote Whig. Yes, we're dead serious. They can't possibly be worse.
- Government Motors
  The Feds bailed out General Motors. All they asked in return was a wee bit of rebranding.
- Paternity
  Bad news, Vader. Even the awesome power of the Dark Side has its limits.
- Enter the Dragon
  No, it's not a duck, kids. In fact, it's a lot tougher than those pansy Skyrim dragons.
- Government
  If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions!
- I Expected Times
  I expected times like this- but never thought they'd be so bad, so long, and so frequent.
- I Didn't Do It
  And besides, everybody else was doing it - and it shouldn't be forbidden anyway.
- Knock Knock
  It's the ultimate knock-knock joke. Tell it- and watch the color drain from their faces.
- Tradition
  Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.
- Don't Be Afraid
  I'm right behind you. Using you as a shield.
- Limitations
  Until your spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk.
- Points of View
  Optimists and Pessimists aren't the only ones with perspectives on a glass!
- Your Blog
  More people have read this t-shirt than your blog. (And the t-shirt counter reads "000002".)
- Made in USA by Robots
  Not all jobs have gone overseas... This t-shirt was Made in the USA! (By robots.)
- 2012 Demotivators® Calendar
  Despair's Demotivator Calendar - Choose the starting month, the demotivational designs, and... (cont.)
- 24" x 30" Lithographs
  Each poster is 24" x 30", printed on heavy-weight, premium paper stock, and perfect for... (cont.)
- Pessimist's Drinkware
  Specifically engineered by the chronically cynical pessimists of Despair Laboratories, this... (cont.)
- 5" x 7" Desktoppers
  Beautify your office, home or dorm room with Demotivator Desktoppers.
- Notecard Packs
  Our three unique collections of Demotivator Notecard Packs will turbo-charge your... (cont.)
- The Rise of Mr. Ponzi
  Could it possibly be true? Did the world's most notorious con-artist, Charles Ponzi... (cont.)
- Despair Mugs
  Finally, a tool to transfer liquids to your mouth.

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