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Propaganda, commentary, discursions and occasional videos from the creators of Despair, Inc.Now Updated Daily!
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Get To Work
You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.
Motivation
If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a... (cont.)
Ambition
The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.
Tradition
Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.
Meetings
None of us is as dumb as all of us.
Government
If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions.
Believe in Yourself
Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.
Mistakes
It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
Achievement
You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an... (cont.)
Potential
Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up.
Priorities
Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house... (cont.)
Challenges
I expected times like this - but I never thought they'd be so bad, so long, and so frequent.
Underachievement (Penguin)
Because soaring with the eagles requires so much more effort.
Collaboration
When a motivated group of people join together, they can turn problems into opportunities. ... (cont.)
Adaptation
The bad news is robots can do your job now. The good news is we're now hiring robot repair... (cont.)
Demotivation
Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.
Procrastination
Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.
Whining
If you expect to score points by whining, join a European soccer team.
Committees
Just like teamwork. Only without the work.
Obstacles
Some things can not be overcome with determination and a positive attitude.
Consulting
If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the... (cont.)
Marketing
Because making it look good now is more important than providing adequate support later.
Hope
May not be warranted at this point.
Synergy
A code word lazy people use when they want you to do all the work.
Perseverance
The courage to ignore the obvious wisdom of turning back.
Limitations
Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk.
Idiocy
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Bravery
Every man dies. But not every man truly lives only to die of sheer stupidity.
Inspiration
Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99% perspiration, which is why engineers sometimes... (cont.)
Liberty
The price of freedom keeps going up, but the quality keeps deteriorating.
Teamwork
A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.
Acquisition
The discovery that you're no longer a big fish in a small pond, or even a small fish in a... (cont.)
Cluelessness
There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.
Diversity
Because every person deserves an equal chance to prove their incompetence.
Incompetence
When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts,... (cont.)
Inflation
Because the easiest way to steal your wealth is by cheapening your money.
Individuality
Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.
Maturity
If you're tired of others looking down on you, grow the hell up.
Perspective
Less is more. Unless you're standing next to the one with more. Then less just looks... (cont.)
Compromise
Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.
Consistency
It's only a virtue if you're not a screwup.
Mediocrity
It takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late.
Sacrifice (Temple)
All we ask here is that you give us your heart.
Despair
It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
Retirement
Because you've given so much of yourself to the company that you don't have anything left... (cont.)
Pretension
The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're... (cont.)
Elitism
It's lonely at the top, but it's comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.
Change
Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed often and for the same reason.
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood. And Robert Frost took the one less traveled. Of... (cont.)
Loneliness
If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. And yet you are alone.... (cont.)
Risks
If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments.
Blogging
Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few.
Indifference
It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there... (cont.)
Irresponsibility
No single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood.
Persistence
It's over, man. Let her go.
Give Up
At some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser.
Sanity
Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine.
Tranquility
As long as there are children in the world, there will never be any real peace.
Wealth
All I ask is for a chance to prove that money can't buy happiness.
Destiny
You were meant for me. Perhaps as a punishment.
Quality
The race for quality has no finish line- so technically, it's more like a death march.
Accomplishments
You can fool all of the people all of the time if your effects budget is large enough.
Innovation
If it can make your job easier, it can probably make it irrelevant.
Self-Esteem
Just because you think you're a star doesn't mean you're going anywhere.
Freedom
I may not agree with what you say, but I respect your right to be punished for it.
Underachievement
The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.
Blame
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Insight
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.The smart left a long time ago.
Opportunity
I am Dr. Adewole Aremu- a director with the Union Bank of Nigeria in Lagos - and I wish to... (cont.)
Apathy
If we don't take care of the customer,maybe they'll stop bugging us.
Stupidity
Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots.
Adversity
That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
Burnout
Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.
Planning
Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress.
Failure
When your best just isn't good enough.
Recognition
Having your moment in the sun isn't always a good thing.
Trouble
Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young.
Ugh
Ugh
Get Off My Lawn
Keep Calm and Get Off My Lawn
Depose Joffrey
Depose Joffrey: Joffrey Lied. People Died.
The Drinking Games
Like the Hunger Games- many will play. And only one may be left standing.
I'm Here Now
Is your very presence a reason for calm? Relief? Joy? Then why not announce it?
The Destructor
Choose the form of the Destructor! Elephant? Jackass? Choose! Choose and perish!
Mime Club
(If you don't get it, ask a Mime to explain. THEN beat him up. You know you want to.)
Personal Trainer
Want to make a quick buck as a fitness trainer without being fit? Ask for cash upfront!
Superioritee
Superiority complex? Not at all. In fact, it couldn't be simpler! Just use this formula.
Irony
The race to create the world's most ironic t-shirt is finally over. And guess who won?
TSA Shirt
Don't worry. Your naked photos are safe with with the TSA. Really. Trust them.
TSA Touching Experience
Wear this TSA shirt next time you fly and you'll REALLY have a touching experience!
Extremely Hot
Are you hotter than a piping Venti Double Expresso? Maybe you ought to warn folks.
Powered by ADHD
ADHD. Some of us recall when it used to be called 'being a kid' and didn't require meds.
Wickedosity
Are you so dang amazing you simply defy conventional superlatives? Here's your shirt!
Conversation
introducing a t-shirt that's as good a conversation starter as a conversation ender!
Center of Attention
Wish you could be the Center of Attention for a change? This shirt can help. Really.
Sisyphus
Meet the pessimistic answer to the "That's How I Roll" meme! It's all Greek to us!
Manatee
Tuna is the Chicken of the Sea. The Sea Cow is the Hamburger. (Yeah. We went there.)
Exaggerators Anonymous
Exaggeration is a terrible habit. Yet trillions of us can't seem to help ourselves.
The Crane Technique
Karate Master Pat Morita once said, "If do right, no can defense." (Thanks Pat. Thanks a... (cont.)
Social Media Venn Diagram
Social Media. Proudly straddling the intersections of ADHD, Narcissism and Stalking.
Vintage
Do you LOVE hip vintage swag- but HATE wearing used clothing? Here's your solution!
The Flash
The world's fastest man has a dark secret. He lives a double-life as a serial flasher!
My Opinion
Do you take self-improvement very seriously- especially when it comes to others?
Vote Whig
Vote Whig. Yes, we're dead serious. They can't possibly be worse.
Government Motors
The Feds bailed out General Motors. All they asked in return was a wee bit of rebranding.
Paternity
Bad news, Vader. Even the awesome power of the Dark Side has its limits.
Enter the Dragon
No, it's not a duck, kids. In fact, it's a lot tougher than those pansy Skyrim dragons.
Government
If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions!
Knock Knock
It's the ultimate knock-knock joke. Tell it- and watch the color drain from their faces.
Tradition
Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.
Limitations
Until your spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk.
Points of View
Optimists and Pessimists aren't the only ones with perspectives on a glass!
Made in USA by Robots
Not all jobs have gone overseas... This t-shirt was Made in the USA! (By robots.)
2012 Demotivators® Calendar
Despair's Demotivator Calendar - Choose the starting month, the demotivational designs, and... (cont.)
24" x 30" Lithographs
Each poster is 24" x 30", printed on heavy-weight, premium paper stock, and perfect for... (cont.)
The Pessimist's Mug
Specifically engineered by the chronically cynical pessimists of Despair Laboratories, this... (cont.)
Notecard Packs
Our three unique collections of Demotivator Notecard Packs will turbo-charge your... (cont.)
The Rise of Mr. Ponzi
Could it possibly be true? Did the world's most notorious con-artist, Charles Ponzi... (cont.)
Despair Mugs
Finally, a tool to transfer liquids to your mouth.
The Pessimist's Shot Glass
If you always see the glass as half-empty, congratulations! You've got a drinking problem... (cont.)
The Pessimist's Glass
Optimism- the slippery slope to stupidity. One day you see a glass as half-full. The next... (cont.)
The Points of View Glass
The world isn't just split into gleeful idiots who see the glass as half-empty and smart... (cont.)
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