Despair, Inc. Spin

Pick the Winner in the “Storms” Caption Contest

Despair, Inc. — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 00:30:38 +0000

The Scoring phase of the “Storms” Contest is past. These are the entries that rose to the top- now it’s time for YOU to pick your favorite from the entries. But first- please read the important rule changes below! A lot of you have requested the option in earlier contests to vote on “None of [...]

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Score the Captions in the “Fire” Contest

Despair, Inc. — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 00:20:45 +0000

Remember this one? We launched this Caption Contest six weeks ago- then abruptly suspended it. Why? Um, the Colorado wildfires started raging across that state only a couple of days after we launched. So we suspended that particular contest out of sensitivity to the crisis. (Yes, that means we’re not entirely cynical and heartless, after [...]

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Ready for an Adventure?

Despair, Inc. — Tue, 07 Aug 2012 18:18:06 +0000

The Summer has entered the home stretch. September looms on yon horizon like some big, autumnal looming thingie- promising increased workloads for students, parents and office drones alike! But don’t worry. We’re giving you a chance to face the pending disaster armed with the most powerful Demotivational tools money can buy- at a price you’d [...]

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When Good Contests Go Bad

Despair, Inc. — Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:25:40 +0000

It had to happen sooner or later. Only minutes after Despair declared a winner in the “Lion & Lioness” Caption Contest, we began receiving email and Facebook notes informing us that winning caption in the contest was, in fact, reworking a familiar joke from a Jeff Dunham comedy routine. The winning entry featured the [...]

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Introducing “Devotion”

Despair, Inc. — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 21:34:14 +0000

The voting in the Despair.com ”Lion & Lioness” semi-finals round is over- and the winner has been chosen by a massive margin! Our most party-hearty-drink-Bacardi-congratulations to Mr. Charles DePalma for his winning entry, “Devotion – After twenty years of marriage, ‘Til death do us part’ stops being a vow and starts being a goal.” Mr. DePalma will soon be [...]

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New DespairWear is here- with a 48 hour sale!

Despair, Inc. — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 17:26:27 +0000

For 48 Hours Only, we’re running a 25% off all DespairWear coupon sale! Want to save big on your next t-shirt order? Just use the code “keepcalm” and every t-shirt in your shopping cart will be discounted by 25%! And hey, the code is even valid for our two brand new DespairWear Tees, “Get Off My [...]

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Introducing “Teambuilding” – the winner of the ‘Raft’ Caption Contest

Despair, Inc. — Tue, 26 Jun 2012 22:09:55 +0000

The voting in the Despair.com ”Raft” semi-finals round is finally over- with a near tie. But in the end, “Teambuilding” bested “Teamwork” by a 9% margin to secure the victory! The winning entry, “Teambuilding – Sometimes the most important lesson you can learn is that you’re not a very good team”, was a note-perfect payoff to this [...]

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Introducing “Friendship” – the Latest Caption Contest Winner!

Despair, Inc. — Tue, 19 Jun 2012 15:16:54 +0000

The voting in the Despair.com ”Cat & Mouse” semi-finals round is over- and the winner has been chosen! Introducing “Friendship”! (We’d love to name and congratulate the author of the winning entry, but he or she hasn’t yet replied to our congratulations email… They will eventually… Maybe… Otherwise, their winnings will be donated to our favorite [...]

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Introducing “Adventure” – The Winner of the ‘Bike’ Caption Contest

Despair, Inc. — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 19:28:16 +0000

The voting in the Despair.com “Bike” semi-finals round is over- and the winner has been chosen! Introducing “Adventure”! Congratulation to Eric Kupinski for his winning entry, “Adventure – If you keep living life like there’s no tomorrow, you’ll eventually be right.” That entry won with a pretty decisive margin- in a contest with several [...]

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NEWS ALERT: Despair.com Caught up in GSA Junket Scandal, Vows Legal Action

Despair, Inc. — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 21:28:00 +0000

INFINITE IRONY - A Government Employee - dressed business-casual - inadvertently demonstrates just how true Despair's "Government" Demotivator really is.FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Contact: Media Relations Email: media@despair.com www.despair.com AUSTIN, TX – April 9th, 2012 – Employees at Austin-based cynical goods retailer Despair, Inc. reacted angrily today to news of Despair’s inadvertent involvement in the recently-emerging [...]

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