FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Media Relations
Email: media@despair.com
www.despair.com
AUSTIN, TX – April 9th, 2012 – Employees at Austin-based cynical goods retailer Despair, Inc. reacted angrily today to news of Despair’s inadvertent involvement in the recently-emerging junket scandal that has rocked the General Services Administration. In response, representatives at the company vowed to take immediate legal action.
The website for the CBS affiliate in Tampa is carrying an Associated Press story about an unfortunate and seemingly accidental death in Northern Florida.
Most news sites carrying the story are doing so without a file photo. But apparently the folks in Tampa wanted to spice things up a bit, because somebody there chose to compliment the tragic story with a photo that’s surprisingly uplifting. Read More!
It’s illegal to enter into an economic transaction which might include a fondling of your nether regions by a total stranger… UNLESS that stranger happens to work for the Government, and you want to fly, in which it’s illegal NOT to!
Overly prudish killjoy Senator Rand Paul recently passed up a chance to get a free grope-down from a trained government professional, complaining:
Foxconn Chairman Terry Gou heads the world’s largest contract manufacturer and is hardly a stranger to controversy, given that he runs the kind of company that accidentally poisons workers with pesticides and routinely drives them to commit suicide.
Yet his most recent outrage seems hardly controversial at all. At an end-of-the-year company party, he offhandedly mentioned that he was seeking employee management guidance from the head of the Taipei Zoo, because “(Foxconn) has a workforce of over one million worldwide and as human beings are also animals, to manage one million animals gives me a headache.”
But why, exactly, is this outrageous? After all, American motivational gurus and management experts have made enormous fortunes for decades selling slim toilet-readers that liken American workers to rodents, killer whales, rhinoceroses, penguins and other subcreatures of the animal kingdom.
The Italian Coast Guard recently released the transcripts of the exchange that took place between guard Captain Gregorio De Falco and Captain Francesco “I’m-here-to-coordinate-the-rescue” Schettino.
Schettino conducted his side of the conversation from the safety of the rescue boat into which he’d heroically fled – and proves himself remarkably gifted in the art of taking evasive action. Conversationally, at least.
You can read the complete transcript of their exchange below.
